the attraction that layed on my face was not just by your physical looks but inner workinq of his heart and i had to admit that this boy was smooth ; had me at hello and qoodbye . couldnt fool me when he said that this would last for eternity and reality set and it only last for a lil while and then you were qone .
not noticinq how we as one grew apart and our friendship began to die slowly but surely . cause yet i called you my bestfriend before i called yu my man and it didnt happen over night . but the plenty nights we shared on the phone ; wondering what conversation would we be startin next only to come to my conculsion and realize that i would miss too converse wift yu .
i huff and puff cause i know this feelin wouldnt go away cause yet unlike others friends that were dismissed away and i hated to say there name you were different .
maybe i feel bad cause it was my fault ; leavinq without giving yu a word in edge wise but yet when i couldnt come to myself and trust yu and then you come back to me dirty .
so as i left the house i onced called a home cause yet it felt so cold and alone i wonder where you are whos lovin yu like michael said but i didnt treat yu bad .
so i leave this off wift a love that i once had and still do .
cause what do they know about real lovee :)
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
&; sometimes i forqet
wings that sit on the back of your body ; i tried to understand why ? but yet i ask questions and i see dark closets and walls that yet wasnt there before . many people tell me not to even questions the workinqs of god and jux celebrate the life cause he is in a better place and i ponder on the thoughts only to ask god why again . yes cause sometimes i forget about the big difference in being here and world unknown so as i sit on my bed and i read a book or too to get my mind off the lost that i cant get back nor question . i talk to yu while your restinq lettinq people know that death isnt pleasent but peaceful and that one day if we are all together we will see you once again smilinq and actinq crazy as usual .
couldnt come to conculsion about why your gone ; so i sumit to the will and i pray and as i pray i bury my head in the ground and i weep . but yet the sonq say not to cry cause he is restinq in a near place . yes a right dear place and if i continue to talk that he never die in my heart ; but lastly never qo away .
but sometimes i forget that your dead and i cry out to your name and when you dont respond ; ugh life just isnt the same . the many poem i read and yu told me if i had a beat i would rappinq and the sonqs that i sunq now that your gone ; i sinq even more .
but sometimes i forget that you always told me to be a trooper and never let em see you sweat but they see more sweatinq now then ever . it hit so close to home sometimes i try not to imagine my life gonee . but yet nyce ; nator ; kaz and wofic yu cant hear me read this poem or sinq this sonq .
i needed yu guys and by force you left but by heart yu stayed and the memories i share in this poem will never qo a stray so i sit as i type this and tear does hit my face cause this just want for the four of them but the rest of them that want away .
so dont forget about why they are not here cause in rememberinq them is somethinq more .
cause sometimes i forget that they were just a gift give to me jus for a lil bit .
couldnt come to conculsion about why your gone ; so i sumit to the will and i pray and as i pray i bury my head in the ground and i weep . but yet the sonq say not to cry cause he is restinq in a near place . yes a right dear place and if i continue to talk that he never die in my heart ; but lastly never qo away .
but sometimes i forget that your dead and i cry out to your name and when you dont respond ; ugh life just isnt the same . the many poem i read and yu told me if i had a beat i would rappinq and the sonqs that i sunq now that your gone ; i sinq even more .
but sometimes i forget that you always told me to be a trooper and never let em see you sweat but they see more sweatinq now then ever . it hit so close to home sometimes i try not to imagine my life gonee . but yet nyce ; nator ; kaz and wofic yu cant hear me read this poem or sinq this sonq .
i needed yu guys and by force you left but by heart yu stayed and the memories i share in this poem will never qo a stray so i sit as i type this and tear does hit my face cause this just want for the four of them but the rest of them that want away .
so dont forget about why they are not here cause in rememberinq them is somethinq more .
cause sometimes i forget that they were just a gift give to me jus for a lil bit .
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Rip Nyce <3
days grown longer then usual now that your gonee ; tears fall more and more eachday as we reach that day that we will see you once again , but not like the last time we seen you when yu was smiling and everything was okay . it will be the time we look into the dark clouds only too see nothing but knowing that after the rain comes sunshine . man so many times i jus wish yu was some place else so that i could jux warn yu about so much .
so we sit with ah big chip on our shoulder cause yet our hearts cant bear it and enough tears cant xpress how much we cared . so as i type this i listen to hear yu say whats sup to me and embrace me with ah hug . to hear someone who knew yu better then i did that yu was some place else jux for ah lil bit and that you'll be cominq home soon and i turn back to reality when i see the rest in peace shirts and it hits meee ; danq my bro gone . my cousinn . and most of all those things yu where my friend .
yeah we didnt have to have the deep friendship and maybe only if we had said hi oncee i would have stilled cried . so dear davon as i close this up i want yu to know i cared . and no we wasnt that close , but i cared <3
so we sit with ah big chip on our shoulder cause yet our hearts cant bear it and enough tears cant xpress how much we cared . so as i type this i listen to hear yu say whats sup to me and embrace me with ah hug . to hear someone who knew yu better then i did that yu was some place else jux for ah lil bit and that you'll be cominq home soon and i turn back to reality when i see the rest in peace shirts and it hits meee ; danq my bro gone . my cousinn . and most of all those things yu where my friend .
yeah we didnt have to have the deep friendship and maybe only if we had said hi oncee i would have stilled cried . so dear davon as i close this up i want yu to know i cared . and no we wasnt that close , but i cared <3
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
fAIRYTALE
ALWAYS lOOKiNG fHA THE RiGHT ONE OR MY PRiNCE ; BUT YET STORiES iN BOOKS SEEM SO GOOD & WE GET CAUGHT UP WANTiNG fiCTiONAL THiNGS THAT LiFE CANT HANDLE . SO WE SET OUR hOPES HiGH TO BE REJECTD BEYONDD MEASUREE & COME TO OURSELVES AND REGRET OUR DECiSiONS ; SO NOOO MY RELATiONSHiP DiDNT TURN OUT TO bE lIKE CiNDERELLA OR SNOW WHiTEE -- BUT YET i lEARNED AH lESSON ONLi tHAT HE COULD TEACH ME & MANY OTHERSS , AlWAYS bE YOURSELF & NEVER CHANGE JUX MAKE ADJUSTMENTS fHA YAH BETTER hALF ; CAUSE LiKE MOMMA SAiD " GOOD THiNGS DONT lAST AlWAYS " , bUT TO NEVER QUiT UNLESS YOU CANT BEAR iT . SOMETiMES LiFE HiTS YU WiTH MANY THiNGS tHAT lEAVE YU STUCK & CONFUSEDD ; MY TWiN TOLD ME TO lET GO & lET GOD . SOMETiMES WHEN i STRAY AWAYS iT KiCKS ME RiGHT iN MY fACE & fALLiNG iSNT fUNN HiTTiNG tHA GROUD iSNT EiTHER ; SO NOW i lOOK fHA AH NEW DESTiNY OF MY OWNN. SOMTiMES lOVE kNOCKS YU DOWNN & WHEN iT DOES PiCK YAH SELF UP AGAiN , iF YUR WiLLiNG tO TRY AGAiN GO HEADD -- BiG UPS TOO YU . SO BELiEVE iN fAIRYTALES CAUSE YET THEY LET YOU iMAGiNEE iN AH WORLD WHERE lOVE iS PREVELENT & REfRESHED . BUMBLEbEE
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
my Hood ( Camden)
camden a place i called home so many times aqain , a place where i had no friends and because of the color of skin and my gender of my body i was going be nothinq but a losee hen layinq some eggs for a negro i didnt know .
So my mother thought she did somethinq by moving me out the hood giving me a taste of the good lifee . livinq poor in a rich neiqhborhood and mr rodgers didnt live down the street but a couple miles away . cause yet trying hard to keep up with the trends when my mom had gas and electric bills . wanting the finer thinqs in life that she offered to me but yet i could only see them on magazines and store windows , but yet she took me out the hood and made a better life for me .
so i go and live in a new place where people like me talk a little different and i see different races cause yet i was used to the urban area . city girl forced to live a life she didnt plan on . the hood was all she knew but yet that didnt take that long to erase out of her head . yes yes yes . cause she or i quickly reformed to the proper speaking girl . who didnt care what the world though of ne thing about her . shoes wasnt busted but they wasnt the best . had nice and decent clothes but isnt wasnt like the others girls . to niqquas on the street i was livinq the best of both worlds .
finding myself once agian wanting what i couldnt afford . jordans and hollister shirts that my mom couldnt buy .
so now she sticks me back in the ghetto i onced called home . faced to be different once again but here they look just like me . no dreams or goals but yet they smile at their own failure . not knowing that there is somethinq out there better for them and me . is this god brinq me back to save the city or atleast the people i can .
or is this another test im willing to fail on to face man kind once again with that devilish grin and say i tried but was it my best they ask & i strug my shoulders saying to myself naa but they really dont know .
it isnt the fear of camden city that scared me . its the umwritten books on our lives . the common welfare given up and the government throwinq checks at us as if that is all we are worth . the broken dreams of the sick and dead . the unheard sad song of the common crackhead . oor the cry for help from he.she that works that nine to five to support hers and many others . so drops weapon and pick up love , cause yet camden isnt the worst were just broken into nothing .!
So my mother thought she did somethinq by moving me out the hood giving me a taste of the good lifee . livinq poor in a rich neiqhborhood and mr rodgers didnt live down the street but a couple miles away . cause yet trying hard to keep up with the trends when my mom had gas and electric bills . wanting the finer thinqs in life that she offered to me but yet i could only see them on magazines and store windows , but yet she took me out the hood and made a better life for me .
so i go and live in a new place where people like me talk a little different and i see different races cause yet i was used to the urban area . city girl forced to live a life she didnt plan on . the hood was all she knew but yet that didnt take that long to erase out of her head . yes yes yes . cause she or i quickly reformed to the proper speaking girl . who didnt care what the world though of ne thing about her . shoes wasnt busted but they wasnt the best . had nice and decent clothes but isnt wasnt like the others girls . to niqquas on the street i was livinq the best of both worlds .
finding myself once agian wanting what i couldnt afford . jordans and hollister shirts that my mom couldnt buy .
so now she sticks me back in the ghetto i onced called home . faced to be different once again but here they look just like me . no dreams or goals but yet they smile at their own failure . not knowing that there is somethinq out there better for them and me . is this god brinq me back to save the city or atleast the people i can .
or is this another test im willing to fail on to face man kind once again with that devilish grin and say i tried but was it my best they ask & i strug my shoulders saying to myself naa but they really dont know .
it isnt the fear of camden city that scared me . its the umwritten books on our lives . the common welfare given up and the government throwinq checks at us as if that is all we are worth . the broken dreams of the sick and dead . the unheard sad song of the common crackhead . oor the cry for help from he.she that works that nine to five to support hers and many others . so drops weapon and pick up love , cause yet camden isnt the worst were just broken into nothing .!
Monday, April 13, 2009
a simple girl forced to be somethinq she isnt , crying cause yet she has nothing but herself and thats atleast how she feels inside . family you cant pick em and her so called friends you cant miss them . fullfiled you would think when you seen her big smile and the love thst she instill in her hugs and kisses .
the hope in her eyes you wouldnt understand the pain in her heart , longing for the unconditional love . the black on black lovee - the love that without a doubt he will stay ; the love that runs longer then the nile and deeper then the oceans bottom . so she on the conquest to find what yet she longinq for and falls short every time but maybe its her destiny cause yet she isnt that big and her poems arent that great - but yet her heart biqqer then the sun & loves more then the word itself .
so she press on after every mishap and let down cause yet she was a brown girl so she knew what to expect l. the color from her skin bleed on her paper from her determination - stop by the road blocks that say she couldnt and the family that gave up on her and say she wouldn .
her destiny based on peoples opinoin of her and not her heart ; good grades but yet she still comes up short - not knowing what too do cause they dont put on tv the positive imaqe of the girl just the ones that she self incriminates herself in .
selling her self short for some guy just to say he loves her . never really had a father figure to care and the one that did , died in 2003 and so did she emotionless she stand fighting back tears cause yet she cant get him back . not appericating him while he was here so now she fight for the love once again to reoccure in her lifee - only one that she felt believed her kicked her out on her ass , not thinking about the future or her pass ; but yet she knows her destiny & how bright the future will be
because when i look in the mirror and see that girl . i realize that the girl is ME .
the hope in her eyes you wouldnt understand the pain in her heart , longing for the unconditional love . the black on black lovee - the love that without a doubt he will stay ; the love that runs longer then the nile and deeper then the oceans bottom . so she on the conquest to find what yet she longinq for and falls short every time but maybe its her destiny cause yet she isnt that big and her poems arent that great - but yet her heart biqqer then the sun & loves more then the word itself .
so she press on after every mishap and let down cause yet she was a brown girl so she knew what to expect l. the color from her skin bleed on her paper from her determination - stop by the road blocks that say she couldnt and the family that gave up on her and say she wouldn .
her destiny based on peoples opinoin of her and not her heart ; good grades but yet she still comes up short - not knowing what too do cause they dont put on tv the positive imaqe of the girl just the ones that she self incriminates herself in .
selling her self short for some guy just to say he loves her . never really had a father figure to care and the one that did , died in 2003 and so did she emotionless she stand fighting back tears cause yet she cant get him back . not appericating him while he was here so now she fight for the love once again to reoccure in her lifee - only one that she felt believed her kicked her out on her ass , not thinking about the future or her pass ; but yet she knows her destiny & how bright the future will be
because when i look in the mirror and see that girl . i realize that the girl is ME .
Sunday, April 12, 2009
jailed
The Newspapers that cover the urban stories to the magazine that writes the articles . we are just to them as monkeys as we were in the early 1800s man i look around and as they jailed like cadqe animals . rip from out dignity only to pass no hopes unto us . giving us every right not to push on and move forward .
sitting in there waiting for his chance at sunlight knowin it will be i while making excuses for himself , tell himself that he is unloved that why his family doesnt come around , shamed by what he did so they forget about him . letters gets scares and the only thing that he has now is himself , not wanting to confine into religion so he indugles his head into the books . Readinq is power so they said . so every night he thought that he won one fight by education himself .
phone calls not accepted cause yet thst girlfriend of his isnt his anymore
forced to care for a child all on her own . at night it seem so cold that even with another mans around around her she cant seem to find heat . stuck to just try to make cause her babydad cant fake it . he is in jail . telling the same story as the next man that he was innocent . but hey i wouldnt know cause i am only the story teller right now .
times get hard in the pin so he washes his fce , fights his way only for a little respect . but he locked up like a animal . like maya said i know why the cadqe bird sings . but yet the same hood song that jezzy wrote .
sitting in there waiting for his chance at sunlight knowin it will be i while making excuses for himself , tell himself that he is unloved that why his family doesnt come around , shamed by what he did so they forget about him . letters gets scares and the only thing that he has now is himself , not wanting to confine into religion so he indugles his head into the books . Readinq is power so they said . so every night he thought that he won one fight by education himself .
phone calls not accepted cause yet thst girlfriend of his isnt his anymore
forced to care for a child all on her own . at night it seem so cold that even with another mans around around her she cant seem to find heat . stuck to just try to make cause her babydad cant fake it . he is in jail . telling the same story as the next man that he was innocent . but hey i wouldnt know cause i am only the story teller right now .
times get hard in the pin so he washes his fce , fights his way only for a little respect . but he locked up like a animal . like maya said i know why the cadqe bird sings . but yet the same hood song that jezzy wrote .
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