Tuesday, November 17, 2009

resentment

could you see in my eyes , the pain of a thousand students before me . could you tell by my regular huge smile that i was a product of two people who held anything but stable job , could her the song inside to just let a cry to shout that iam almost finish this journey that i face everyday . . POVERTY that kills my soul but sends strength to my ego . now am i a bad person ? or is this taught in todays society by the RICH . but do we have the rich to blame or ourselves . . is blaming oursleves the hardest thing and also the easiest for others . . . . .

&' i can say i resent you as a person cause you never cared , and yes you did try your best but it wasnt good enough for me , cause i shoud have shared the memories w my kids of your addiction - and are you to blame ? so i blame you because a little small pipe has taken over your life and noone has the sense enough to address it so we feed the habit & by feeding it we give it the right to be here ! & i resent you ! no i hate who you have become , you where that before me and after me you will be the same . . but can i make that change , could this one voice change your life on what you smoke & god knows it started off with just a little bit of weed !
did you ever hear the whispers i heard or the faces i got cause now they see me as you but never us two apart , he made me of his own image so why do i sin or you sin and you tell me about each bible verse but the again you have a ich or tug toward thats " white qood stuff" .

i hate you . . ( to be contiuned)

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

american dream ?

he had a dream , so we paved the vision and obama did the hard workk ; but yet should we stop there wift obama ? should this torch jux be burned at this one spot cause he the black president -- that we have and that we qot ..

only livin and talkin on the dream that martin had we become satisfied with what we have .. believin the barak obama would be our black jesus and save every negro from hardship and disparee ?

some people call him the statue of dreams . givin every inner city kids hopes like me and every other determination to be better .. givin the negro community a better look that we dont always have to sinq and rap to make a change or be the biggest drug lord in the game to be somethinq to live up to GREAT . but my thinq is iam the next american dream team , could my voice and vision be heard like martins' and could i be as qood as michelle obama as a speaker . - does this give me the drive that i need to speak up and out not jux for the kids that are black but white . tan and others !
for the childern that live in poverty , and the lost ones in the system of disaster and den we blame it on society .. for the ones that didnt know where the meals were comin from and how would they make it the next day .. could my writing and lines be as great as eger allan poe . too live up to the works off shakesparee .. never THEE .

but can i live down the title of american dream ? could this be the chance to take my shot like mj at the 45 sec mark and hope and pray that this goes in cause this will win the gamee ! so i look at what i have to model beinq a kid from a city who doesnt care and state that jux brushes us under the rug ...

imma be the next like martin . rose and obama did .. and all that was is be GREAT !

Monday, September 28, 2009

city

nor ever was i hood , but call me a city girl or gal . rememberin the times when i could stay out until twelve now my mother wont let me out the house . - when the old heads on the corner tell how the city used to be and now how they reflect on the life that once was it isnt ne moree . so try and become apart of the cause like malcom x and fight wift everythinq that i have only for my soul to assassinated wift the disbelievers that yet camden can change . - and the lesson that the preacher teaches qoes into one ear and out the other for the people who have the money and leave the city as if they didnt play on this very soil and once they called camden their home .

left wift the broken sadness and the moaning of the people but never will they qo to a city board meeting . nor will they address them at home . high schools beinq cadge like prisons and the qood qettin throwin in wift the bad , segregating the best into little schools that we build into the community - there is no way out . i hear how camden high was the best and the standards for that high school isnt even measured on scale from one to ten , but yu tell us to push on .


i feel like a slave in modern society . addicted to the truth that no one speaks and hungry for changee and determined to let it happen while i can . so as my ancestors sang , let god lead me to the promise land , where there i can rest and reflect on a life well spend . or evening tryin . but this is the city life . - misunderstood , unheard and missed due to the destruction of ignorancee .

Friday, July 31, 2009

yur lovee

the attraction that layed on my face was not just by your physical looks but inner workinq of his heart and i had to admit that this boy was smooth ; had me at hello and qoodbye . couldnt fool me when he said that this would last for eternity and reality set and it only last for a lil while and then you were qone .
not noticinq how we as one grew apart and our friendship began to die slowly but surely . cause yet i called you my bestfriend before i called yu my man and it didnt happen over night . but the plenty nights we shared on the phone ; wondering what conversation would we be startin next only to come to my conculsion and realize that i would miss too converse wift yu .
i huff and puff cause i know this feelin wouldnt go away cause yet unlike others friends that were dismissed away and i hated to say there name you were different .
maybe i feel bad cause it was my fault ; leavinq without giving yu a word in edge wise but yet when i couldnt come to myself and trust yu and then you come back to me dirty .
so as i left the house i onced called a home cause yet it felt so cold and alone i wonder where you are whos lovin yu like michael said but i didnt treat yu bad .
so i leave this off wift a love that i once had and still do .
cause what do they know about real lovee :)

Thursday, July 30, 2009

&; sometimes i forqet

wings that sit on the back of your body ; i tried to understand why ? but yet i ask questions and i see dark closets and walls that yet wasnt there before . many people tell me not to even questions the workinqs of god and jux celebrate the life cause he is in a better place and i ponder on the thoughts only to ask god why again . yes cause sometimes i forget about the big difference in being here and world unknown so as i sit on my bed and i read a book or too to get my mind off the lost that i cant get back nor question . i talk to yu while your restinq lettinq people know that death isnt pleasent but peaceful and that one day if we are all together we will see you once again smilinq and actinq crazy as usual .

couldnt come to conculsion about why your gone ; so i sumit to the will and i pray and as i pray i bury my head in the ground and i weep . but yet the sonq say not to cry cause he is restinq in a near place . yes a right dear place and if i continue to talk that he never die in my heart ; but lastly never qo away .

but sometimes i forget that your dead and i cry out to your name and when you dont respond ; ugh life just isnt the same . the many poem i read and yu told me if i had a beat i would rappinq and the sonqs that i sunq now that your gone ; i sinq even more .

but sometimes i forget that you always told me to be a trooper and never let em see you sweat but they see more sweatinq now then ever . it hit so close to home sometimes i try not to imagine my life gonee . but yet nyce ; nator ; kaz and wofic yu cant hear me read this poem or sinq this sonq .

i needed yu guys and by force you left but by heart yu stayed and the memories i share in this poem will never qo a stray so i sit as i type this and tear does hit my face cause this just want for the four of them but the rest of them that want away .

so dont forget about why they are not here cause in rememberinq them is somethinq more .
cause sometimes i forget that they were just a gift give to me jus for a lil bit .

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Rip Nyce <3

days grown longer then usual now that your gonee ; tears fall more and more eachday as we reach that day that we will see you once again , but not like the last time we seen you when yu was smiling and everything was okay . it will be the time we look into the dark clouds only too see nothing but knowing that after the rain comes sunshine . man so many times i jus wish yu was some place else so that i could jux warn yu about so much .
so we sit with ah big chip on our shoulder cause yet our hearts cant bear it and enough tears cant xpress how much we cared . so as i type this i listen to hear yu say whats sup to me and embrace me with ah hug . to hear someone who knew yu better then i did that yu was some place else jux for ah lil bit and that you'll be cominq home soon and i turn back to reality when i see the rest in peace shirts and it hits meee ; danq my bro gone . my cousinn . and most of all those things yu where my friend .
yeah we didnt have to have the deep friendship and maybe only if we had said hi oncee i would have stilled cried . so dear davon as i close this up i want yu to know i cared . and no we wasnt that close , but i cared <3

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

fAIRYTALE

ALWAYS lOOKiNG fHA THE RiGHT ONE OR MY PRiNCE ; BUT YET STORiES iN BOOKS SEEM SO GOOD & WE GET CAUGHT UP WANTiNG fiCTiONAL THiNGS THAT LiFE CANT HANDLE . SO WE SET OUR hOPES HiGH TO BE REJECTD BEYONDD MEASUREE & COME TO OURSELVES AND REGRET OUR DECiSiONS ; SO NOOO MY RELATiONSHiP DiDNT TURN OUT TO bE lIKE CiNDERELLA OR SNOW WHiTEE -- BUT YET i lEARNED AH lESSON ONLi tHAT HE COULD TEACH ME & MANY OTHERSS , AlWAYS bE YOURSELF & NEVER CHANGE JUX MAKE ADJUSTMENTS fHA YAH BETTER hALF ; CAUSE LiKE MOMMA SAiD " GOOD THiNGS DONT lAST AlWAYS " , bUT TO NEVER QUiT UNLESS YOU CANT BEAR iT . SOMETiMES LiFE HiTS YU WiTH MANY THiNGS tHAT lEAVE YU STUCK & CONFUSEDD ; MY TWiN TOLD ME TO lET GO & lET GOD . SOMETiMES WHEN i STRAY AWAYS iT KiCKS ME RiGHT iN MY fACE & fALLiNG iSNT fUNN HiTTiNG tHA GROUD iSNT EiTHER ; SO NOW i lOOK fHA AH NEW DESTiNY OF MY OWNN. SOMTiMES lOVE kNOCKS YU DOWNN & WHEN iT DOES PiCK YAH SELF UP AGAiN , iF YUR WiLLiNG tO TRY AGAiN GO HEADD -- BiG UPS TOO YU . SO BELiEVE iN fAIRYTALES CAUSE YET THEY LET YOU iMAGiNEE iN AH WORLD WHERE lOVE iS PREVELENT & REfRESHED . BUMBLEbEE

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

my Hood ( Camden)

camden a place i called home so many times aqain , a place where i had no friends and because of the color of skin and my gender of my body i was going be nothinq but a losee hen layinq some eggs for a negro i didnt know .
So my mother thought she did somethinq by moving me out the hood giving me a taste of the good lifee . livinq poor in a rich neiqhborhood and mr rodgers didnt live down the street but a couple miles away . cause yet trying hard to keep up with the trends when my mom had gas and electric bills . wanting the finer thinqs in life that she offered to me but yet i could only see them on magazines and store windows , but yet she took me out the hood and made a better life for me .
so i go and live in a new place where people like me talk a little different and i see different races cause yet i was used to the urban area . city girl forced to live a life she didnt plan on . the hood was all she knew but yet that didnt take that long to erase out of her head . yes yes yes . cause she or i quickly reformed to the proper speaking girl . who didnt care what the world though of ne thing about her . shoes wasnt busted but they wasnt the best . had nice and decent clothes but isnt wasnt like the others girls . to niqquas on the street i was livinq the best of both worlds .
finding myself once agian wanting what i couldnt afford . jordans and hollister shirts that my mom couldnt buy .
so now she sticks me back in the ghetto i onced called home . faced to be different once again but here they look just like me . no dreams or goals but yet they smile at their own failure . not knowing that there is somethinq out there better for them and me . is this god brinq me back to save the city or atleast the people i can .
or is this another test im willing to fail on to face man kind once again with that devilish grin and say i tried but was it my best they ask & i strug my shoulders saying to myself naa but they really dont know .
it isnt the fear of camden city that scared me . its the umwritten books on our lives . the common welfare given up and the government throwinq checks at us as if that is all we are worth . the broken dreams of the sick and dead . the unheard sad song of the common crackhead . oor the cry for help from he.she that works that nine to five to support hers and many others . so drops weapon and pick up love , cause yet camden isnt the worst were just broken into nothing .!

Monday, April 13, 2009

a simple girl forced to be somethinq she isnt , crying cause yet she has nothing but herself and thats atleast how she feels inside . family you cant pick em and her so called friends you cant miss them . fullfiled you would think when you seen her big smile and the love thst she instill in her hugs and kisses .
the hope in her eyes you wouldnt understand the pain in her heart , longing for the unconditional love . the black on black lovee - the love that without a doubt he will stay ; the love that runs longer then the nile and deeper then the oceans bottom . so she on the conquest to find what yet she longinq for and falls short every time but maybe its her destiny cause yet she isnt that big and her poems arent that great - but yet her heart biqqer then the sun & loves more then the word itself .
so she press on after every mishap and let down cause yet she was a brown girl so she knew what to expect l. the color from her skin bleed on her paper from her determination - stop by the road blocks that say she couldnt and the family that gave up on her and say she wouldn .
her destiny based on peoples opinoin of her and not her heart ; good grades but yet she still comes up short - not knowing what too do cause they dont put on tv the positive imaqe of the girl just the ones that she self incriminates herself in .
selling her self short for some guy just to say he loves her . never really had a father figure to care and the one that did , died in 2003 and so did she emotionless she stand fighting back tears cause yet she cant get him back . not appericating him while he was here so now she fight for the love once again to reoccure in her lifee - only one that she felt believed her kicked her out on her ass , not thinking about the future or her pass ; but yet she knows her destiny & how bright the future will be
because when i look in the mirror and see that girl . i realize that the girl is ME .

Sunday, April 12, 2009

jailed

The Newspapers that cover the urban stories to the magazine that writes the articles . we are just to them as monkeys as we were in the early 1800s man i look around and as they jailed like cadqe animals . rip from out dignity only to pass no hopes unto us . giving us every right not to push on and move forward .
sitting in there waiting for his chance at sunlight knowin it will be i while making excuses for himself , tell himself that he is unloved that why his family doesnt come around , shamed by what he did so they forget about him . letters gets scares and the only thing that he has now is himself , not wanting to confine into religion so he indugles his head into the books . Readinq is power so they said . so every night he thought that he won one fight by education himself .
phone calls not accepted cause yet thst girlfriend of his isnt his anymore
forced to care for a child all on her own . at night it seem so cold that even with another mans around around her she cant seem to find heat . stuck to just try to make cause her babydad cant fake it . he is in jail . telling the same story as the next man that he was innocent . but hey i wouldnt know cause i am only the story teller right now .
times get hard in the pin so he washes his fce , fights his way only for a little respect . but he locked up like a animal . like maya said i know why the cadqe bird sings . but yet the same hood song that jezzy wrote .

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Issues

the issues that ah face today isnt so stranqe ; cause you adults dont understand my pain . yeah your time wasnt like now ; nor was it ever bad cause yall had swinq shows instead of house partys and many of you had dads .
so you tell us that we have issues but yet not try to address them at all . lend ah helping hand to carry neither one of us " kids" alonq . so you pressure us with the gift that we can be better but when we faced with peers and cold wheather but thats not none of your concerns ; but yet you still tellinq me that i have issues
ah know my place in this life ; or atleast i think but sometimes it get bad and i need to let go some thinqs so sometimes the issues ah face are way major then yours . cause you guys tell us the stories about black and white wars but yet we have black on black wars and even if we are of the same color ; we try to use racial tone to eachother .
but yet again you sit and tell me that i have issues cause at your age the biggest concern was a tie dye shirt and cut up jeans .
but yet am faced with crack heads friends and broken dreams . so yet ah stare at maqazines ; and videos and hopinq ah make it big and dance and shake like beyonce or maybe even dance like ciara . but yet ah have issues and only blunt uneducated rappers are on my tv and sometimes ah mite see ah nice lookinq girl -- so the role models they stay aways cause yet tyra where did she go . from doinq models to talk shows but yet we dont hear about this .
we only see young kids dancinq to stakiny leq and you say ah have issues
give me a good reason why ah shouldnt
cause yet the world do - am just statinq from my point of veiw

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Miseducation Of Me

Tryinq To Find An Outlet So Ah Scream In My Pillow & The Tears That Hit My Face Burns Like Acid ; But As Its Reaches The ♥ It Slowly Kills Me - But Ah Fight Tah Live Another Day To Love ; But Yet Up Cryinq Juz Like Baby - Tryinq To Figure Out Is It Me . ! Ah Smile But Yet Broken & Am Silent But Yet You Can Hear The Pain From Ah Mile Away ; Focusinq On My Past ; So Ah Cant Enjoy My Future . ! Kanye Called It Heartless & Ah Call It Knowinq Pain When You See It . ! So Ah Hide Under Ah Rock -Scared To Love & If He Loves Me Will He Stay True ; But Yet As Beinq Ah Human - Ah Cant Tell Cause Yet We Are Sappose To Learn From Our Mistakes ; So Why Do Ah Constantly Repeat Em . Ah Say Nothinq Even Matter Around Em - But It Does Ah Love Em So Much That Anythinq He Does Kills Me ; Revived By His Kiss & His Words Cut Me Like Knvies ; But Wonds Heal Right Thats What My Muttah Always Told Me . So Ah Search For An Outlet But Yet Ah Reach For My Pillow & Cry Like Ah Baby Again & Ah Question MySelf - Is This My Mistake Lovinq Too Hard & Hittinq The Ground Even Harder - So Ah Try To Wear Protection ; But Yet It Still Hurts . This Is The Miseducation Of Jennah - & Yet Am Tryinq Tah Inform You . !

Friday, February 27, 2009

robocop - different

Heartless Yet To Those Who Dont Understand Love Cause Some Love Hard Only To Hit The Ground Hard ; So Ah Wear Protection & Fearless - Because Yet Ah Can Be Different In A Crowd Of Lames Wear Ah Green To Ah Black Affair ; Sinq Rock Sonqs At Ah Jill Scott Concert . ! Am Different & fearless - & Ohh So Heartless . ! So Yet You See My Life Like Street Lights Bright & Lonq - But Chanqes So Often . Call Me ; Ah
Robocop

swaqq

Many Knoe My Name ; But Dont Knoe Me & If You Do -- Man You Really Dont So Dont Try , Cockyy - Nah ; But Ah Do Take Pride In My Beauty & So Do Some Of Yah Men , Oops Didnt Mean To Rat You Guys Out . Ah Love $$$ & Ah Get It Weather From Yah Man Or On My Grind - But Never Ah 9-5 So Take It As Money Is At My Finqertips Future So Bright You Lames Aint Even In My Leaque Ha - Ah Laugh At Niqquas Who Try To Meausure Up ; Never To Me - Ah Was Told The Best Yet Fail So Ah Take My Failure Like Ah Lesson To Be Repeated & Yet Learn From It . See Ah Drop Knowleqe Like Bush Droped Bombs - Its Juz That Easy ; So As You Read Take Notes Cause -- Lessons Are Taught By Ah Good Teacher So Let Me School You . ! Never Been The Type Easy To Diqest ; But The Type Once You Getta Ah Taste Its No Cominq Back - Hard Cause Ah Gotta Be ; Goofy - Thats Apart Of Me Cause Ah Laugh To Ease The Pain . Fame - No But Yet Ah Can Hear It Knockinq On My Door . Loved No Dought ; But Hated -- But Great People Are So Ah Take It As Gift Cause Am That Great . So Next Time They Speak Of Me -- Shxt Ah Might Juz Be The Next Black-Women President . !

Monday, February 23, 2009

StreetLights

My Life Juz Like Ah Street Like Ah Believe ; Cause Yet It Is Not That Lonq & Chanqes To Green - Which Puts Me In The Okay Box ; To Be Me WithOut Fear Of Acceptance - To Be Ah Nautral Born Nutt W/ Out Feelinq Bad . Then We Come To Yellow- Which Gives Me The Signal To Slow Thinqs Up Dont Give Them All Of Jenn * Cause Yet All Of Me Is Too Much For You So As You Press The Brakes On This Make Sure You Dont Slam Cause Yet You Will Miss The Red - Duck For Cover Cause Red Seems To Mean * YOU HAVE CROSSED THE FUCKIN LINE . Whoa Never Seem To Ever Reach That Level But Hey SHIT happens .

Mee

My Story Yet Untold ; But Whispered Or Even Tired In Books & Maqazines - No Am Not Famous But Almost There . Trustinq In God ; Yeah Ah Fall Short Of The Glory Cause Am Not Perfect . Tryinq To Be Servent In Anyway , So I Pray Knowinq Am Ah Sinner ; He Gives Me Ah Second Chance . ! Unique In My Own Way - Tryinq To Be Ah Leader , The Head NOt The Tail , Beinq Victorious In EveryThinq Ah Do . Looked & Judge By Not Just My Character ; But The Color Of My SKiN & The Gender Of My Body . ! So Ah Run Ah Lil Lonqer Too Meet The FiNiSH LiNE . !Ah Smile ; Yet Been broken ; Sinq Yet Another Love Sonq Too Keep Me Sane . & In Reality I Am Crazy & Deranqedd . ! Hurt Beyond Measure : But Rise Like The SUN EveryDay , So You Tell Me ... Am Ah A Stronq Girl . Define Stronq ; Cause Emotionaly Weakened & Physical Strained But Yet Ah Push To Better Heights , So Ah Can Reach The Stars Instead Of Settlinq For The Sky Ah Dream Biq So Yet Even If One Of Them Fail - I Still Will Have More To Hold On Too . Countinq My Blessinq So I Can Show My Gratefulness Tryinq Embrace My Heritaqe Of Beinq Black So Ah Stay & Rock My Afro Puff . ! I Am Me & I Love It . ! So Next Time You Hear My Name - It May Be Good Or Even Bad ; But Yet Ah Take It Like This What Ah I Do You Cant - So Why Judqe Me . ?

Friday, February 20, 2009

Lessons

Lessons We Learn Only To Face The Truth Of Ourselves & Repeat The Mistakes Over And Over Again Not Yet Followinq The Sayinq ; WE Learn Lessons from Our Mistakes . So Do Ah Make Mistakes On The Note That I Dont Knoe Or The Notion That I Do Know And I Want To Find Out The Purpose For Myself .

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Beinq Black . ?

Okay so I am black and you can tell by the color of my skin & maybe by the texture of my hair , but whats i beinq black actually . ? Am i definded by the stereotypes set upon me by others or is it a thinq i set for my self . ?

In my humanities class we talked about being a black women in AMERICA or just beinq "black" but yet being black doesnt define me . Yeah sometimes my spellinq is off and i say aint here and there . But is that the black ignorance they speak of my people now

As i couint on my intellect to prove who i really am , yeah it is beinq black , but in my own way . My skin is brown , and my hair is finee , but when the white america look at me i am black . yeah we talk with improper enqlish (ebonics) and we waer baggy clothes but dont let that definee me .

as just beinq black .

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

jenn .

Takee a trip down my road and you many find many blocked off streets and sometimes we may have to make a uturn , for some odd reason but i am me
loving .. sometimes ; crazy .. thats my lifee ; normal .. never was or even wanted to be . ! but i live my lifee like tomorrow is already here and yesterday was nothing but another party for me . i sinq with my soul n heart and i write with everythinq in me .
so you can say i do it all . ! never did for a quick dollar only for my pleasures . !


Fact : on my journay to a new high . * but stayin above the infuencee . !